Fear can be immobilizing. Fear of failure. Fear of Success. Fear of fear. Fear of conquering every limiting belief you have ever held close as security blanket of conformity, complacency and comfort.
That old security blanket tattered and worn keeps me stuck in a place that is old and prevents growth. As hard as it is….I have to throw it away. I can not save it as a momento. That just allows me to dig it out and resurrect its purpose. If I want to live an extraordinary life I can not allow old patterns of survival to come with me on this new journey. I have to trust that when I take the leap…the net will appear.
Just One Step ….at a Time
I am taking steps to catapult into life one step at a time. Some baby steps and some a leap of faith. What I am learning is that when you leap the net truly does appear.
I recently booked a trip to Costa Rica. The original plan was a very structured two weeks to take a course in Bio Energy. That mini plan has expanded into a month long adventure of taking the course and then exploring the country.
At times my anxiety lurking in the shadows wafts out and around me, enveloping me in the clutches of fear. Its tentacles reaching out looking for a strong hold in every insecurity I have ever had and the ones I am conquering now.
Anxiety is fear of the future….I am determined to be fearless. I am determined to live my best life! I am learning to listen to my body, talk myself off the ledge of panic and have faith that if I am following the beat of my drum ….the net is never gone. It moves a bit…challenging me to fly higher and jump further…but it is never gone.
Synchronicity does appear in unexpected places. Bringing guidance and wisdom to share that make the leap of faith a graceful free fall instead of the drop of doom.
This leap is challenging every limiting belief I have ever had and still struggle with…..but my faith in myself as a survivor and the universe to have my back is transforming this into an epic life changing adventure fear is being replaced by joy and excitement.
An Extraordinary Life should be exciting. Even writing these words is exciting. Translating the frenzy of jitters into a vortex of passion!
Life in and of itself is humbling when you break it down to moments. Right here right now in every moment, every breath.
As I ponder the miracles that are necessary to be in this moment at this time, it empowers my faith in a Universal energy that is bigger than I can comprehend. To think that all things are not connected and that we have no impact on the world, nor the world on us is ludicrous.
Living in the attitude of gratitude is easy when you look around and realize that just the air we breath, the trees, birds, sunshine, rain….all of these things occurring via energetic shifts and sharing.
We can feel the energy change when a storm is brewing. The wind whips up and changes the air. Thats energy.
The sun shines down warm like a big hug. Thats energy at work.
Staying present in this moment feeling the energy of the earth, air, sun, moon animals is miraculous and gives us many reasins to stay in a place of peace, love and gratitude.
Miracles happen every day. Stay present, stay humble , stay grateful.
Love is harmony.
Embrace life…stay present.
Life is ever moving, evolving motion. How we approach it determines our experience.
We can move against the flow and be exhausted all the time or ride the wave and put the energy into setting the course of the motion.
If you are resisting the flow of life you are trying to go backwards. We can not go backwards. You can resist forward momentum enough to stay stuck in the rut that you are in. The vortex that keeps spinning and repeating the same experiences that we are trying to escape from.
If you allow forward momentum and refocus on the path you want to be on. Making choices and decisions that will lead in that general direction. The flow of life will take you there.
Trust the flow of life. Ride the wave.
Follow the rainbow and know that you are the pot of gold.
I saw this post on social medai and I had an immediate knee jerk reaction that made me nearly puke.
I remember hearing that sound very well. I also remember the absolute terror that coursed through my very being. Beyond the physical agony. The terror clutching at me urging me to run. But my mind knew that running would make the consequences even more severe.
Standing there hearing the buckle unlatch and the belt swish out of the loops. The calm low voice telling you to strip. Trembling and fumbling hurrying to comply before I had to be reminded that there was no escaping the inevitable lashes.
I can’t even remember what I had done so terrible as to deserve this. That time or any of the other times. All I knew was that …it was going to hurt and I didn’t know when it would stop. I also knew that after I would have bruises and welts from my shoulders to my knees and that sitting on the hard seats at school was going to be very uncomfortable for quite some time.
I also knew that I had to be careful not to let anyone see the marks. And, I had better not be foolish enough to tell anyone. Or….there would be more where that came from.
So to anyone who thinks that this post has any humor, or validity as a parenting tool….fuck right off.
No child deserves this. No child should be so terrified of their parent or any other adult that they will do anything to avoid this consequence. This is not discipline. It is abuse. It is a parent who can not control their emotions and resorts to bullying and abuse to control their child.
If you find any satisfaction in having a person small and terrified of you and what you can do to them….
If you can raise your arm and strike a small terrified person with a belt or any other weapon of ‘disciple’…..
If you can justify to yourself and others that towering over a child and lashing them multiple times with a belt ……
If you are ok knowing that you are changing this little person. Stripping them of their vital right to safety and security by the very hand that is pledged to provide that.
If you are ok knowing that they will struggle to feel safe and to trust and that every relationship in their lives will be tainted by this stripping of their power and self esteem….
What makes me really sick is that many of these toughies when faced by someone their own size back down….they exert their power only over the powerless.
Beating a child is a parents temper tantrum….you need the help!
Well all I can say is that Karma is a Bitch and it is calling your name
The walls we build up over time, created by hurt feelings and threats to our identity are a barrier to life. The keep others away, but they also lock us in. Preventing us from truly enjoying life and all its wonder.
Pain is actually a gift. It means that you feel. It may seem at times that not feeling would be simpler. Maybe it is simpler. But it is not fulfilling. When we don’t feel the things that hurt the most we just create a vortex of pain that spirals inward and spreads its poison throughout our spirit.
For a long time I buried my feelings. Stuffed them down and tried to drown them. But the damn things float to the surface every. Nothing can contain them for long. Adding more liquid courage was just a crutch that just created a hurricane of emotions that raged under the surface. The pain and sadness erupted as anger and created a shit storm leaving a wake of destruction behind me that hurt me …..and others around me.
Eventually, you just have to rip off the bandaid and let the fury of pent up emotions surface. At first there is the eruption spewing pent up pain. Cry, scream, get help, whatever it takes deal with that pain. Whatever you do…..let it out.
Do not reapply the bandaid. Do not reach for the crutches. Let your spirit cleanse the wound. Let love be the balm the heals the infection. Then, as the flow of pain subsides to an ooze…look at the infection. See it for what it is. Years of feeding the pain what it needed to survive. Letting the hurts of the past mutate and poison your spirit.
Your spirit wants to shine. It wants to bathe you in love and light and bring you joy and happiness. But it can’t if you keep locking in the light under a bandaid protecting your pain.
When we let go of the pain the wall crumbles and allows people to scale the rubble and take your hand and guide you to forgiveness, gratitude and love.
Let love in. Then….love can flow out. The circle of life should be filled with light…the beams of love.
Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months, years! that just makes you say to hell with this shit! Of course, we all have. But…..it is not for nothing.
I know I used to wonder what the hell I had done in life to deserve so much shit. I finally embraced that every experience I had was one that made me who I am…And who I am is pretty damn awesome.
Hard times teach us many lessons. Resilience. Strength. Character. Empathy.
It was hard work to overcome the emotional and spiritual blocks that had occurred over time with each shit storm experience. One of the most important things I have learned is our stories are meant to be told as all stories are. Why?
Storytelling is an age old method of communicating. When we share our stories we help others learn and we also learn. We help others and others help us. Life is about community, tribe…..we don’t have to go it alone.
Coming out of our shells to share isn’t always easy. We don’t have to jump up and shout it from the rooftops. When we are ready then when, where and with who presents itself. Taking that first step is the hardest. Being vulnerable after times of trouble is difficult.
Vulnerability is strength. Vulnerability is love. Vunerability is essential in authenticity.
Remember my friends…..when someone takes advantage of your vulnerability….that is about them. Not you! So be vulnerable and authentic and share you story, your light and your love.
Old shit eventually turns into rich, life supporting soil. Just like our shit….In the big picture….we come out of it better people and soul supporting hearts…..Shit is good !!
Life is always in motion. It is not always easy to keep up with the momentum life. So many things happen that alter our path. Periodically we have to reevaluate where we are going. Accept that with the changes in life….we are changed. Momentarily or permanently.
At times we get so attached to what was that we don’t leave room for what is, or what can be. Letting go of what no longer serves us can be hard. It may mean letting go of an emotional tie to the past that has been your side kick for as long as you can remember.
It is hard to distinguish the difference between what we are attached to whether it is a thing, person or emotion and what we want or need to go where we want to go. It is hard to make forward momentum when the baggage we are lugging around gets fuller and fuller.
It is time to unpack the baggage, evaluate the contents and lighten the load. Decide what do I really want? What do I really want life to look like? My life.
I realized this morning that I have been caught up in a tangle of emotions generated from what I thought life should look like because I couldn’t let go of what I knew would make my dad happy.
He has been gone over a year now. I have taken on so many things in an effort to be what I want to be and what I know would have made him happy to see in my life. I can not do it all. I have to leave some things out of the suitcase when I repack for the next leg of this journey called life.
It makes me sad to let go of some of those things. But also I can feel the weight lifting as I think of the things that I will not be lugging around anymore. Letting go of things that tied you to someone you love is hard. I am not going to say it is easy….I have to acknowledge that I am a hoarder of sentimentality.
I have kept my horse and her trailer for 2 summers now and barely used them. But I couldn’t let go because dad and I always bonded over horses and riding. It was something he taught me to do and something he always said I was good at and it gave me some rare validation from him.
It is hard to let go of the physical gifts from him. It is harder still to trek forward creating my own validation in myself in things that I find value in. But it is a necessary step in forward momentum. The baggage of things past is holding me back from my future.
I was stubborn about accepting that. It is hard to let go of things that bring the essence of someone you loved and lost. But they are gone and they are not in the things they left behind but in the memories that were shared.
I know that to find joy in the things I love I have to prioritize things in a way that supports my personal journey. Make choices that support where I want life to go. Clarify in myself what that looks like and how to get there.
So here is to learning to pack only a carry on bag for this next leg of the journey!