I am a child of the Universe that each day embraces life and the lessons that come with it.

Why This…Why now

Lately I have been faced with another challenge in balancing my time and feeling overwhelmed and out of balance. I have had to ask myself why this, why now.

I recognize that I am a rescuer and put what is needed of me from others before what I need for me. I also recognize that this is a me problem, not a they problem.

The question arises…why do I love others more than myself? Why do I struggle to not succumb to perceived need. If I were not here to ‘help’ they would still survive. I just enable them to not have to look for their own solutions.

Having always been a problem solver and very resilient it is my nature to jump in and ‘fix’. I am realizing that perhaps this is an ego trip. My ego perks up when I am needed. It makes me special doesn’t it?

Or, does it make me avoid taking care of me? Succumbing to the anxiety of being perceived as selfish. I am working through this one.

I do know that I need to slow life down and have some roots and feel the energy of my toes lock into the energy of the earth. I can feel that as my feet lock into the earth and that core strength of the earth rising up within me I can reach higher for the stars and flow in all directions with ease and grace as I raise my arms to the sky and the energy flows and expands throughout my being.

I have discovered that this penchant for ‘helping’ others is really a distraction from helping myself. It has allowed me to stay in a state of indecision and flux in my own life and avoid making decisions and facing my own fears about my future and direction of my life and business.

So… time to slow down…get grounded and reach for the stars!

Life Unlimited

All this business with Covid has made me even more determined to live my life my way.

Like my tattoo says…my life my rules.

It has also become abundantly clear that resilience is truly a superpower. I thought having my own business was the ticket to freedom. I love what I do …helping people with their physical, emotional spiritual wellness is the most rewarding career I have ever had. It offered me freedom and purpose. It never occurred to me that a teeny tiny germ bug was gonna shut me down.

Now what. I spent the first couple weeks being a yogi and meditating. The happy introvert wasn’t at all upset. The happy introvert is still not too bugged about staying home. But the wild child gypsy doesn’t like being told to!

I have recently become concerned with what my business will look like now. But, hey…I am resilience personified. I always land on my feet.

Bring on Plan B and C.

Daytrading…not for the faint of heart but it is paying my rent. On line work supplements my income and I realized once again that I just have to stay open to what the Universe presents.

Oddly the challenges I have struggled with….confidence, self esteem, using my voice, arise once again. Using the tools I have learned via Breathwork facilitator training and Kundalini yoga I am determined to finally overcome the fears that even as I write this cause a tightness in my chest and throat.

I just know that when this is all over I will be a different person ….a better person. If we don’t learn and grow and evolve stronger in this….then we missed an opportunity to become a better version of ourselves.

Single and Surviving Self Isolation

I am personally a very introverted person by nature so this isn’t terribly difficult for me. Even I struggle with the limits of human contact. So I have empathy for the extroverts of the world that really need that human interaction for optimal mental health.

Quickly I realized that I needed to take steps to maintain positivity during these challenging times. Giving into the fear of the unknown only further challenges my ability to maintain my mental health.

What we allow into our minds percolates and sets the tone. So I have challenged myself to set in place positive practices.The first thing I do in the morning (after a quick dash to the bathroom…being mindful that I shouldn’t waste my stash of toilet paper) is turn on some positive music. Singing along (badly) I make my morning coffee. I always say I am going to do yoga first….but I don’t. I truly love that quiet slow coffee wake up. My favorite song right now is “The World Is So F**ked up ” by Michael Franti.

I sip that aromatic brew and count my blessings. There is always something to be grateful for…. the birds chirping outside (even though it is damn cold outside), my safe warm home, my son who is safely self isolating with my mom, my mom, family, friends (that I can chat with if I need to).

A sense of purpose helps a lot! I made a decision to finish some of my projects that I have been struggling to complete. This motivated me to tidy up my work space to make it uncluttered and inviting.

Give …hmmm… a little trickier. This goal pushed me off a ledge I have struggled with. Distance healing. Once I put it out there I was amazed at the response. During these challenging times so many are really needing some help to be resilient. The added stress of current events is forcing many things to the surface to be looked at…..fear, anxiety, insecurity….the list goes on and on……

I have long believed that the root cause of our physical wellness is a manifestation of our emotional wellness. To be able to reach out at this time and share healing with people near and far is a gift to my sense of purpose and a reason to get dressed!

Don’t live in your pajamas! Get dressed. One…. make sure your clothes still fit after all that home cooking! Two…it makes me feel like working….aka anything productive.

Shower and do your hair. For yourself. This is an opportunity to lean in and do things just for you…learn to love yourself enough to take care of yourself just for the love of you.

Take a (washable) marker and put positive affirmations on your mirrors. Mine are covered with “You are beautiful”, “You are powerful” etc…. so every time I look in the mirror I see these words and allow those to sink into my subconscious.

Purpose could be as simple as cleaning that junk drawer. Reaching out in some capacity. Our local seniors organization had asked for volunteers to write pen pal letters to seniors that were lonely and are now even more lonely. It takes a few minutes a day and I am grateful to be able to make a lonely stranger smile.

Cook…. the internet still works if you aren’t a cook already. There are many advantages to cooking beyond the obvious…eating. It makes your home smell welcoming. It fills one with a sense of accomplishment. Cooking your own food is much less expensive than ordering out or eating prepackaged foods. Also it is MUCH healthier. I wont get into that diatribe right now.

Plant something and take care of it….I planted a tomato slice….laugh if you want but it works. soon I will have many tomato seedlings to transplant and in time tomatoes to eat and enjoy.

Meditate…seriously. Learning how to quiet the mind right now is a real gift to our mental health. There are many free offerings on youtube. Meditation brings our bodies to homeostatic state. This is great for our mental, emotional and physical health. It is important to keep our bodies in a place that encourages healing and maintaining a strong immune system. Meditaton helps with that.

Personally I love doing yoga every day. My chosen favorite is Kundalini tantra yoga which focuses on breath and moving energy through the body. Holding on to the emotions keeps them rolling around in our bodies. The flow and movement of daily yoga keeps them flowing through rather than getting stuck in my body.

Don’t get me wrong….now and then I follow the rabbit hole into the depths of anxiety and fear. But it lasts moments not days. I have allowed myself to wander the dark places for periods of time….wondering if life was really worth the effort. It is! If that ever crosses your mind….reach out for help.

Many institutions are offering free or hugely discounted learning opportunities….try one. What do you have to lose.

Color, dance, sing……bring high vibe into your day in any way that makes you smile.

But every day……find something to make you laugh and smile… strengthens resilience and resilience is whats going to get us through this ….

Breathe…it is the lifeforce within us all.

Many think they are breathing and I guess if you are not in a box then you are. However, the how we breathe can be the difference between fear, anxiety reaction or peace, acceptance responding.

I see that it has become a very reactionary world. I fall prey to that myself at times. I am not judging me….I am observing me. When we can pay attention to how we breathe ….long slow breaths (Inhaling your tummy should expand Exhaling your tummy should deflate …belly button towards the spine, adding in a conscious intention to fill your body with love on each inhale and exhale any negative crap out.

It sounds simplistic and it really is. It is harder than we think. Often we catch ourselves holding our breath, waiting for the next thing that is going to make us gasp WTF now.

In saying this I don’t believe that we have to turn a blind eye to all that is going on around us. But, rather change the lens of perception that you see it in. Change the voice of authenticity to a responsive voice versus a reactionary voice.

When we don’t breathe with intention and allow the oxygen into our cells the brain actually is in survival mode. This is not sustainable for long periods of time without having detrimental effects on our physical body.

So one of the best things we can do to keep ourselves healthy and calm is just slow down (do you have anything better to do?) and focus on your breath. Give your body the oxygen it needs to be healthy and your brain to find calm in the storm.

All storms pass. Weather this storm with as much resilience and calm as you can. Breathe…close your eyes and breathe.

Love and light to all

Just Gotta Feel

Every now and then something happens that reminds me that feeling is feelng and some days that feeling is sad. I figure that is just fine. The alternative to feeling joy, pain, sad is to feel nothing and that is no way to live.

Without experiencing the depths of pain how would I truely appreciate the highs of joy. All feelings matter. They remind me that it wasn’t so long ago that I felt very little and what I did feel predominantly was anger. Anger leaves very little space for anything else. It permeates everything. Why? Because that low vibration attracts more low vibration.

Being sad will pass. I embrace the ache as it wafts through my body. Reminding me that I feel and feel deeply. That means that when I am happy I am blissfully happy and that when I love I love with my whole heart.

To feel is a gift that I have given myself and I cherish all of it. Tears cleanse away the residue of sadness leaving a calm and peace that cloaks my heart in healing.

Sunshine on a Cloudy Day … comes from within

When the sky gives us shadow…it gives us opportunity to find our inner shine.

If you are like me it is easier to stay happy and positive when the sun is shining and warming your body and spirit.

After several cloudy days I decided this morning to take my mood into my hands. I conciously chose to shift my energy from that low vibration and do something to raise it up and make today a wonderful day.

That isnt easy I know. However, it is a choice. A choice I have been resistant to make this last couple days. Admittedly I have allowed myself to hermit and let my vibration and energy wane. I had to honestly reflect on the fact that being single and living alone is not always bliss. I had to face the fact that my life is up to me.

My happiness is up to me. My choices are up to me. I needed to reflect and consciously choose to raise my vibration and be happy. So, I took action. Action is the way we tell the Universe we are ready to recieve. Manifesting my best life still requires my participation.

Sooo…..I drank the bone broth, water, and yes the coffee. I breathed in some fresh air. I spread out my yoga mat and played a yoga session on you tube. Yes …I did the routine…I didn’t just watch it! I have to say…I really love this yoga style….the breathing techniques take you to such a fantastic space of higher vibration.

Now after a couple days of allowing myself to lay low and replenish…I am kickstarting my butt into gear to do.

I am challenging myself to be ok with just me for company. I am learning to be still. I am challenging myself to find joy in that stillness. It isn’t easy…but it is necessary.

Have a wonderful cloudy day…find your inner shine and let that glow come from the inside out!

The Gift of Loneliness

Sometimes we get so busy being busy we forget to slow down and embrace lonely.

Being lonely makes space for us to reflect and look inside ourselves. Maybe thats why it is something we avoid. Taking that time to be in our own company and embracing that state of quiet can be disconcerting.

I have come to recognize that being alone, lonely is an opportunity. An opportunity to really breathe, to think singularly without diversion, to dig deep within our own spirit and see the shadows.

Stepping into the space of the shadow and shining the light into the corners and crevices. Having a good look at why being alone is a scary place is emowering.

I don’t like to think about the shadow side. I would rather stay in a state of perpetual love, light, peace and hope. But the reality is that without the shadows we would not have the pure joy of the light.

Walking into the light after a journey in the shadows brings a new perspective and a new appreciation for all that brings love, light and joy into our lives.

So I have decided that walking in the shape shifting clouds of the shadows is a process to be embraced…not endured. Today I will love my shadows and bring light to the crevices of my spirit. Today I will not fill my time with busy tasks to avoid the lonely. I will walk within it and learn the lessons it brings.

I will peek into the corners and sit down there and free myself from the anxiety that creates. I will allow the light of peace to fill the space that I have been avoiding. I will make friends with my demons. I will bring them into my heart where only love lives.

I will change my perspective of lonely. I will love lonely and all its gifts.

I Am The Boss….of ME

After many detours and reroutes. I am going the right direction. I am finally listening to the universal guidance that has always been the little voice in my head and the angel on my shoulder.

I think maybe I had my life map GPS on the verge of blowing up out of frustration at my inability to follow its directions. I was not listening very well. I could feel in my body that things were not right. But I chose to over ride that 90% subconcious brain with the 10% concious brain that I am the boss of. Free will and ego can easily be implemented and make the journey of life circuitous and difficult.

So yes I am the boss of me. But, I am choosing to hand over the decision making processes to a CEO of Me … My Higher ME…my Intuition…the Universal Guidance that exists within all of us.

It isn’t easy and just like any GPS it has glitches….man made glitches…AKA-ME. But, I am getting better at following the directions of this guidance system.

Listen to my body. Our subconcious mind talks to our body constantly. Tells it to breathe, heart to beat, and a bazillion other automatic activities that keep us alive and safe. Why then did I suppose that something so intricatey designed to keep me alive would fail me when I had to make a choice?

The answer is …it didn’t. I just was not a good listener. Mostly because I didn’t like what it was saying. I (my little 10% concious brain) had made decisions that no matter how hard I worked to work….were not working.

I have a saying …When the pain is greater than fear….you change. Not listening to that inner guidance creates pain. The pain of not being authentically ME. The pain of feeling trapped, stifled….triggers change.

I now am following all those synchronistic occurances and listening to my body say yes or no. My body which is controlled by my big 90% subconcious brain…My CEO…is now the boss of me…Usually.

It is gonna be a helluva ride! I can’t wait. Fearless and Free Me!

Brenè Brown is refreshingly real and del

Brenè Brown is refreshingly real and delivers a clear message that we all need to hear.

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