Life is always in motion. It is not always easy to keep up with the momentum life. So many things happen that alter our path. Periodically we have to reevaluate where we are going. Accept that with the changes in life….we are changed. Momentarily or permanently.
At times we get so attached to what was that we don’t leave room for what is, or what can be. Letting go of what no longer serves us can be hard. It may mean letting go of an emotional tie to the past that has been your side kick for as long as you can remember.
It is hard to distinguish the difference between what we are attached to whether it is a thing, person or emotion and what we want or need to go where we want to go. It is hard to make forward momentum when the baggage we are lugging around gets fuller and fuller.
It is time to unpack the baggage, evaluate the contents and lighten the load. Decide what do I really want? What do I really want life to look like? My life.
I realized this morning that I have been caught up in a tangle of emotions generated from what I thought life should look like because I couldn’t let go of what I knew would make my dad happy.
He has been gone over a year now. I have taken on so many things in an effort to be what I want to be and what I know would have made him happy to see in my life. I can not do it all. I have to leave some things out of the suitcase when I repack for the next leg of this journey called life.
It makes me sad to let go of some of those things. But also I can feel the weight lifting as I think of the things that I will not be lugging around anymore. Letting go of things that tied you to someone you love is hard. I am not going to say it is easy….I have to acknowledge that I am a hoarder of sentimentality.
I have kept my horse and her trailer for 2 summers now and barely used them. But I couldn’t let go because dad and I always bonded over horses and riding. It was something he taught me to do and something he always said I was good at and it gave me some rare validation from him.
It is hard to let go of the physical gifts from him. It is harder still to trek forward creating my own validation in myself in things that I find value in. But it is a necessary step in forward momentum. The baggage of things past is holding me back from my future.
I was stubborn about accepting that. It is hard to let go of things that bring the essence of someone you loved and lost. But they are gone and they are not in the things they left behind but in the memories that were shared.
I know that to find joy in the things I love I have to prioritize things in a way that supports my personal journey. Make choices that support where I want life to go. Clarify in myself what that looks like and how to get there.
So here is to learning to pack only a carry on bag for this next leg of the journey!