Every so often we have to take stock of our lives. What is working….what isn’t? What has changed….what hasn’t? What do we want to change? Where have we been…..where are we going?
It is all a matter of thinking about the big picture. Keeping our eye on the end goal and making choices that support that outcome. There are times when we are derailed by life and circumstances.
Last February my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. The focus I had on my business and personal goals immediately shifted. My focus redirected to specialist appointments, visits to cheer him up, finally surgery and then ultimately his funeral. The period of time that was spent travelling to hospitals etc in the weeks of his care were a blur of emotions and my long term goals were no longer visible.
The time has come that I need to refocus on where I am going. It isn’t easy. Another wave of emotions rolls over me as I consider my career in wellness. Guilt that I couldn’t help him more. Guilt at the thought of putting out happy positive vibes to promote wellness and balance when inside I am still crumbling.
I have to refocus and rebalance my own energy. I know that dad would want me getting back in the saddle. He always made me get back on when I got bucked off. Giving up or in was never in his vocabulary.
So as I sit here and allow myself to dream again….I realize that the busyness has been a way of avoiding dreaming. I have started and finished projects that were never on my to do list just to avoid thinking or feeling. I have cried and laughed and cried some more. It is time to move forward.
How do I know this? Interpreting what my body is telling me…..paying attention to my dreams…..listening to my heart and shutting out the chatter of my mind.
My mind wants to tell me there is an acceptable grieving period. My mind wants to tell me that it is too soon to be having happy thoughts. My mind….the enemy of tranquility is trying to manipulate me into losing sight of where I am going.
My heart says….life is a series of experiences. Each one helps us grow in some way. I need to add this experience into the bag of tricks and take the understanding of grief to help me be a better wellness practitioner.
I was asked awhile ago….’What do you want to do?’ I was so busy trying to keep busy that I had lost focus on what I wanted in life….my dream was in my pocket and I was creating all sorts of barriers that kept me from focusing on my big dream.
So today….I will hit reset and re-identify with my heart and begin again…..looking at the rainbow and taking action in making my dreams come true.