Listen to your heart, your soul. Listen with your heart, your soul. In the silence of the dawn….be still, be true to you.
I saw this post on social medai and I had an immediate knee jerk reaction that made me nearly puke.
I remember hearing that sound very well. I also remember the absolute terror that coursed through my very being. Beyond the physical agony. The terror clutching at me urging me to run. But my mind knew that running would make the consequences even more severe.
Standing there hearing the buckle unlatch and the belt swish out of the loops. The calm low voice telling you to strip. Trembling and fumbling hurrying to comply before I had to be reminded that there was no escaping the inevitable lashes.
I can’t even remember what I had done so terrible as to deserve this. That time or any of the other times. All I knew was that …it was going to hurt and I didn’t know when it would stop. I also knew that after I would have bruises and welts from my shoulders to my knees and that sitting on the hard seats at school was going to be very uncomfortable for quite some time.
I also knew that I had to be careful not to let anyone see the marks. And, I had better not be foolish enough to tell anyone. Or….there would be more where that came from.
So to anyone who thinks that this post has any humor, or validity as a parenting tool….fuck right off.
No child deserves this. No child should be so terrified of their parent or any other adult that they will do anything to avoid this consequence. This is not discipline. It is abuse. It is a parent who can not control their emotions and resorts to bullying and abuse to control their child.
If you find any satisfaction in having a person small and terrified of you and what you can do to them….
If you can raise your arm and strike a small terrified person with a belt or any other weapon of ‘disciple’…..
If you can justify to yourself and others that towering over a child and lashing them multiple times with a belt ……
If you are ok knowing that you are changing this little person. Stripping them of their vital right to safety and security by the very hand that is pledged to provide that.
If you are ok knowing that they will struggle to feel safe and to trust and that every relationship in their lives will be tainted by this stripping of their power and self esteem….
What makes me really sick is that many of these toughies when faced by someone their own size back down….they exert their power only over the powerless.
Beating a child is a parents temper tantrum….you need the help!
Well all I can say is that Karma is a Bitch and it is calling your name
The walls we build up over time, created by hurt feelings and threats to our identity are a barrier to life. The keep others away, but they also lock us in. Preventing us from truly enjoying life and all its wonder.
Pain is actually a gift. It means that you feel. It may seem at times that not feeling would be simpler. Maybe it is simpler. But it is not fulfilling. When we don’t feel the things that hurt the most we just create a vortex of pain that spirals inward and spreads its poison throughout our spirit.
For a long time I buried my feelings. Stuffed them down and tried to drown them. But the damn things float to the surface every. Nothing can contain them for long. Adding more liquid courage was just a crutch that just created a hurricane of emotions that raged under the surface. The pain and sadness erupted as anger and created a shit storm leaving a wake of destruction behind me that hurt me …..and others around me.
Eventually, you just have to rip off the bandaid and let the fury of pent up emotions surface. At first there is the eruption spewing pent up pain. Cry, scream, get help, whatever it takes deal with that pain. Whatever you do…..let it out.
Do not reapply the bandaid. Do not reach for the crutches. Let your spirit cleanse the wound. Let love be the balm the heals the infection. Then, as the flow of pain subsides to an ooze…look at the infection. See it for what it is. Years of feeding the pain what it needed to survive. Letting the hurts of the past mutate and poison your spirit.
Your spirit wants to shine. It wants to bathe you in love and light and bring you joy and happiness. But it can’t if you keep locking in the light under a bandaid protecting your pain.
When we let go of the pain the wall crumbles and allows people to scale the rubble and take your hand and guide you to forgiveness, gratitude and love.
Let love in. Then….love can flow out. The circle of life should be filled with light…the beams of love.
Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months, years! that just makes you say to hell with this shit! Of course, we all have. But…..it is not for nothing.
I know I used to wonder what the hell I had done in life to deserve so much shit. I finally embraced that every experience I had was one that made me who I am…And who I am is pretty damn awesome.
Hard times teach us many lessons. Resilience. Strength. Character. Empathy.
It was hard work to overcome the emotional and spiritual blocks that had occurred over time with each shit storm experience. One of the most important things I have learned is our stories are meant to be told as all stories are. Why?
Storytelling is an age old method of communicating. When we share our stories we help others learn and we also learn. We help others and others help us. Life is about community, tribe…..we don’t have to go it alone.
Coming out of our shells to share isn’t always easy. We don’t have to jump up and shout it from the rooftops. When we are ready then when, where and with who presents itself. Taking that first step is the hardest. Being vulnerable after times of trouble is difficult.
Vulnerability is strength. Vulnerability is love. Vunerability is essential in authenticity.
Remember my friends…..when someone takes advantage of your vulnerability….that is about them. Not you! So be vulnerable and authentic and share you story, your light and your love.
Old shit eventually turns into rich, life supporting soil. Just like our shit….In the big picture….we come out of it better people and soul supporting hearts…..Shit is good !!
Life is always in motion. It is not always easy to keep up with the momentum life. So many things happen that alter our path. Periodically we have to reevaluate where we are going. Accept that with the changes in life….we are changed. Momentarily or permanently.
At times we get so attached to what was that we don’t leave room for what is, or what can be. Letting go of what no longer serves us can be hard. It may mean letting go of an emotional tie to the past that has been your side kick for as long as you can remember.
It is hard to distinguish the difference between what we are attached to whether it is a thing, person or emotion and what we want or need to go where we want to go. It is hard to make forward momentum when the baggage we are lugging around gets fuller and fuller.
It is time to unpack the baggage, evaluate the contents and lighten the load. Decide what do I really want? What do I really want life to look like? My life.
I realized this morning that I have been caught up in a tangle of emotions generated from what I thought life should look like because I couldn’t let go of what I knew would make my dad happy.
He has been gone over a year now. I have taken on so many things in an effort to be what I want to be and what I know would have made him happy to see in my life. I can not do it all. I have to leave some things out of the suitcase when I repack for the next leg of this journey called life.
It makes me sad to let go of some of those things. But also I can feel the weight lifting as I think of the things that I will not be lugging around anymore. Letting go of things that tied you to someone you love is hard. I am not going to say it is easy….I have to acknowledge that I am a hoarder of sentimentality.
I have kept my horse and her trailer for 2 summers now and barely used them. But I couldn’t let go because dad and I always bonded over horses and riding. It was something he taught me to do and something he always said I was good at and it gave me some rare validation from him.
It is hard to let go of the physical gifts from him. It is harder still to trek forward creating my own validation in myself in things that I find value in. But it is a necessary step in forward momentum. The baggage of things past is holding me back from my future.
I was stubborn about accepting that. It is hard to let go of things that bring the essence of someone you loved and lost. But they are gone and they are not in the things they left behind but in the memories that were shared.
I know that to find joy in the things I love I have to prioritize things in a way that supports my personal journey. Make choices that support where I want life to go. Clarify in myself what that looks like and how to get there.
So here is to learning to pack only a carry on bag for this next leg of the journey!
In my work as a wellness practitioner I meet a lot of people that are experiencing struggles in life. They think they need to make big life changes to be happy. They feel like everybody else has a better life. Sometimes they have become someone they don’t recognize anymore because they are trying to be what they think others want from them.
I have learned this in life….everybody faces challenges and what we see from the outside looking in is not always what we think it is. I have also come to recognize that often we respond to pre conceived judgement. We project onto others what we think they think of us. We assume that they are going to judge us and find us falling short.
That may be true in some instances. But those are people that we do not need to be in our inner circle. But often the truth is that people are just like us. Facing demons of years gone by and trying to figure life out.
When we put on the facade that our life is perfect we do not leave the door open for honest and authentic communication, learning and growth. When we open our hearts and minds the people that resonate with us are drawn in and we find the kinship in facing lifes challenges in a positive and beautiful way.
The tribe is out there….and the more we live and breath authentically the easier they are to find.
Life is a choice. A choice to be happy. A choice to be unhappy. A choice to live in gratitude for what is or to bemoan what isn’t.
We choose every moment of every day of our life what we want life to look like. Do we want it to be joyous and harmonious? Of course we do.
Then we have to make choices that support that. A lot of choices are based on our perspective of any given situation. It is easy to fall into the societal belief system that the world is against us but that isn’t true.
The universe really is on our side. It gives us whatever we ask for. If we ask for hardship….thats what we get. It is critical to focus on what we have that is good and what we want that is good. If we focus on the negative aspects of life then we attract more of that into our lives.
We are energetic magnets. If we are negatively charged we repel positively charged people and things and attract more of the negativity we say we don’t want. We have to be what we want. Think what we want. Be who we want.
What do you want? Decide. Live it.
I learned an important lesson today. I was reminded that it is important to stay being ourselves.
Often we change when we get into a relationship or move to a new place, trying to fit into a preconceived box. But that only makes us miserable and also the people around us miserable as a result. They grew to like us for who they met. Maybe even fell in love with us for who they met.
Somewhere along the line we fell back into the rut of what we thought a relationship should look like and as a result made ourselves and others confused and miserable. They don’t understand what happened to the person they met. They don’t know that you are fighting the demons of self destructive patterns.
They can not change the little movies that play in our heads about what life is supposed to be. But, we can. We can take control of our lives and decide that those useless little voices that tell us that things are supposed to look a certain way can take a flying leap. We can change the script of our lives.
The other thing that I was reminded of today is that it is important to be authentic so that we can attract people to our lives that resonate with us. When we show our true selves….scars and all…the tribe appears.
The tribe….the people that don’t judge us. That love us scars and all. The tribe that we think looking in from the outside has a perfect life. The tribe that just like us learns every day, grows every day, faces challenges every day. The tribe that sees our heart.
We have to be open enough to let the tribe find us. Share our joys, sorrows, pains and gains. Be vulnerable and real. When we think we are being strong…we are isolating ourselves and shutting the door on friends and opportunities to be happy. We don’t leave room for sharing and caring and loving.
Be real….be you…..let your light shine so that your tribe can find you!
Life is an ever-flowing ebb and flow of change. Everything that happens creates an action or reaction. It is involuntary. Or is it?
Our subconscious minds respond to the stimuli presented at any given moment based on historical events. If something happens that reminds our subconscious mind of a stressful situation our bodies involuntarily respond with stress reactions.
We can change this pattern through via conscious thought patterns. We can interrupt this involuntary reaction and reprogram our subconscious to respond differently.
We can with conscious thought and intention change the tide of the tsunami. We have limitless power to decide how we respond and feel about any situation that we are confronted with. Love and gratitude for everything and all things…. change the tides of our past and our future. Allowing us to embrace the present.
If I were you and you were me,
How simple life would be.
Your life is charmed,
From what I can see.
Social media tells me so.
and so I believe.
That only I must have shadows,
in the corners of my soul.
But when I meet you face to face.
Look into your eyes and see your heart.
I see the shadows lurking there.
You are me and I am you.
The demons of media playing tricks on my mind.
Challenging my identity at every turn.
But I am me, and you are you.
Both with a perfectly imperfect life.