No Regrets

I have a favorite saying. “Never say… I wish I woulda…”

We will always be faced with decisions, choices, challenges. That statement has helped me many times come to a final decision. What will I be able to look back on and have no regrets?

I will never regret making sacrifices for the benefit of others. Nor will I ever regret making time for myself. Both are necessary and unselfish. I can live with that.

As long as each day I am being the best version of me I can be THAT day….I can rest easy in knowing I have done my best. Some days are better than others…some days I beat myself up. Some days I lament in self pity. Some days I judge and am angry. Some days I cry. Most days I am in peace within myself. Most days I walk easily in my own skin content that I am a good person that lives in love and peace. Most days I am in flow with the Universe and trust that all will work out the way it is meant to.

I look at the days of self pity, anger, judgement, sadness as an Opportunity to expand and grow. A chance to dig a little deeper into myself and flow through that place of unease. I am grateful that I have learned so many tools to help with this with this reparation of my spirit.

Life is full of learning curves. As long as I can look back at those learning curves and recognize the growth and maturation of process of this experience called life….Then I will never ever have to say I wish I woulda!

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Just Jump….Live Fearlessly

Fear can be immobilizing. Fear of failure. Fear of Success. Fear of fear. Fear of conquering every limiting belief you have ever held close as security blanket of conformity, complacency and comfort.

That old security blanket tattered and worn keeps me stuck in a place that is old and prevents growth. As hard as it is….I have to throw it away. I can not save it as a momento. That just allows me to dig it out and resurrect its purpose. If I want to live an extraordinary life I can not allow old patterns of survival to come with me on this new journey. I have to trust that when I take the leap…the net will appear.

Just One Step ….at a Time

I am taking steps to catapult into life one step at a time. Some baby steps and some a leap of faith. What I am learning is that when you leap the net truly does appear.

I recently booked a trip to Costa Rica. The original plan was a very structured two weeks to take a course in Bio Energy. That mini plan has expanded into a month long adventure of taking the course and then exploring the country.

At times my anxiety lurking in the shadows wafts out and around me, enveloping me in the clutches of fear. Its tentacles reaching out looking for a strong hold in every insecurity I have ever had and the ones I am conquering now.

Anxiety is fear of the future….I am determined to be fearless. I am determined to live my best life! I am learning to listen to my body, talk myself off the ledge of panic and have faith that if I am following the beat of my drum ….the net is never gone. It moves a bit…challenging me to fly higher and jump further…but it is never gone.

Synchronicity does appear in unexpected places. Bringing guidance and wisdom to share that make the leap of faith a graceful free fall instead of the drop of doom.

This leap is challenging every limiting belief I have ever had and still struggle with…..but my faith in myself as a survivor and the universe to have my back is transforming this into an epic life changing adventure fear is being replaced by joy and excitement.

An Extraordinary Life should be exciting. Even writing these words is exciting. Translating the frenzy of jitters into a vortex of passion!


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Start Every Morning in Silence

Listen to your heart, your soul. Listen with your heart, your soul. In the silence of the dawn….be still, be true to you.

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The Gift of Catalyst

In every event there is a gift of learning. That is especially true of challenges. When we are challenged to change… the fear of the unknown can be paralyzing or activating. We are faced with confronting our self limiting beliefs about who we are and what we are capable of.

We can choose…yes choose … to consider these events as obstacles or opportunities. The trick is to open up enough to allow.

Allow miracles to unfold in ways we did not expect nor could even have imagined. Often we have this ‘plan’ that locks us into a way of trying to manage the route. When we can let go of that way of thinking and recognize that we are only the navigators of this journey called life… so many miracles present themselves to help us and guide us through the storms.

That is kind of what is going on now…so many trying to control the outcome. We have a choice to be paralyzed by the fear of a new way or consider it a catalyst to create our own ‘new way’.

Our minds are powerful tools…what we think we create. Not because we are magicians, but rather because when you have a thought pattern the choices you make will support that outcome.

Couple that with perspective and it is a double dose of manifestation.

Years ago when I was an exhausted oilfield worker hating my life… dreading each day, but seeing no way out…. I was exhausted, angry, unhealthy and stretched to my financial limit. I thought this was the way it had to be. I had responsibilities and expectations, bills, a son to raise. I wished fervently that I would never have to go back to that job again.

My wish was granted. I got fired. I remember getting called in for a ‘dispatch meeting’. I had a gut feeling that I was going to be fired. I remember driving into the office for said meeting and praying that “If I can just come out of this with my job intact that would be great”.

I did ..kind of. Instead of being fired because I challenged their termination with cause which meant no severance pay and yes a more shameful release, I was suspended while they pondered their position.

I left that meeting feeling empowered but also wishing I would never have to go back. I wondered how I could continue to work somewhere that I had a target on my back. The Universe was listening and had a plan..

I was called in for another meeting with the owner of the company who had determined that indeed they were firing me without cause and that I would receive a generous severance. I maintained my dignity and integrity stating that their problem was not with me but rather with him. That company morale and integrity did not start in the middle and if he wanted the changes he was speaking of then he needed to step up.

I left that day with a huge sense of relief that I never had to go back through those gates into such a toxic environment. it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Even though I had a son to raise and bills to pay…I had no fear.

I was later gifted the opportunity to stand strong in my release of that negativity when they asked me to take my job back as they had made a mistake in blaming me for many problems that in fact had not been my doing. I graciously said not a chance in hell.

The evening I was let go I had an appointment with a psychic. Of all the things she said in that one hour long session I remember only the last 5 minutes. She completed her reading asking if there was anything else … I said well the only thing I really need to know is about a job. She said ‘Oh you won’t get a job.’ I said “What!” she said “No. You are meant to work for yourself.” ‘Doing what?’ I asked. “I don’t know” she stated. The reading was now concluded.

That night I went to bed only yo be awakened at 4am by a vivid dream of a bright red phoenix rising… I jumped out of bed knowing that I would just start my own business. LTD (Live Til I Die) Ventures was born. By morning I had created a FB page with a list of all my talents abilities…business cards were ordered and I was on a new adventure. My venture was very successful in its own right. Work landed in my lap and I was very busy. But, I had to work a lot of hours to make the amount of money I needed to stay afloat.

Again I prayed. “Thank you God for making my business so successful so quickly, but can you show me a way to afford my car payment please.” He did. The very next day a person I had worked with before got a hold of me telling me his company was hiring and I needed to call the manager right away as interviews were the next morning. I was resistant to bother someone after hours but he insisted. I did call. I did get an interview at 9am the next day. I did get the job. I had a momentary panic attack re entering the oilfield world, but when your prayers are answered it is best not throw it back ungratefully. Car payment problem solved.

This job was with a great crew of people and was the best place ever to complete my oilfield career. That is another story in synchronicity. The moral of this story is ask for guidance with an grateful heart and an open mind. Be mindful for opportunities that look different than what you were expecting and express gratitude for them and don’t be afraid to take leaps of faith.

None of these experiences could have occurred without uncomfortable catalysts and faith in something bigger than ourselves having a plan. So….catalysts are a blessing. They allow for new growth and new learning and new opportunities to be all that we can be. Even and especially in these challenging times. They are the biggest test many of us has ever faced. The biggest catalyst….the biggest opportunity. We choose.

I Am A Willow

Balance in imbalance. Finding my center of gravity in these chaotic times is a tricky task. In this topsy turvy world it is like having ‘Bosu’ balls on the bottoms of my feet. Every time I think I have figured out the rhythm the terrain changes!

I sometimes find myself in the muck, struggling to reach solid ground. Mired down in dark negative thoughts that are scary. What will life look like next year, a month from now …even tomorrow as it seems the every changing landscape of the safe cocoon I existed in doesn’t exist anymore.

At times I feel as though I am swimming upstream in a raging river. Against the common belief system that prevails in this new world. I have always been a little left of center in my beliefs. Never really going along with the common thought processes but that is true now more than ever.

So how do I navigate in these tumultuous times and regain my balance. Well I have to accept that now more than ever is a time to maintain my stance as a willow. Strong deep roots with the ability to flex and flow with the energy swirling around me. Maintaining my core values with firmly attached roots and allowing the madness to flow through and around me.

I find this easier to do when I maintain meditation and yoga practices. These keep my energy flowing and allowing that these things occurring are not me. They are a series of events that are reverberating the vibration in and around me but they are not me. I can stay more in tune with the essence of me by observing these events and allowing the flow of them. Observing how they make me feel and recognize that the strength to overcome the fear and unease they stir up is within me.

As I write this I feel the areas of my body that are affected by this energy…solar plexus and throat. Telling me I need to work on empowering my voice to speak my truth. Stop being afraid of back lash and negativity. I cant avoid what others will project … I CAN empower myself to respond or not to respond to their energy.

Feet dug firmly into mother earth and limbs of rainbow colored willow branches….that is how I will maintain my balance in this topsy turvy world. Willows are strong, resilient, flexible and beautiful… I AM A WILLOW !

Wait For What?

If there is one thing I have learned in life, it is that it is called life for a reason…. We are meant to LIVE. Live with purpose, joy, passion.

We are often told to wait….wait for what? For a better time? A better opportunity? A better plan? Until things are perfect? Until the right time? When is that? Wait til things change? What if they don’t? At any moment life could end…then what! Life should be never saying “I wish I woulda”. Life should be filled with zest and passion.

Will I get it right every time? That is a big fat NO! But, that is ok. I will learn the lessons from the experiences and move on to the next adventure. Have gratitude for the positive things in the experience and gratitude for the negative things in the experience for those are OPPORTUNITIES to learn. Life is one big learning curve. When we know better we do better. How better to learn than by the 4-H motto…”Learn To Do By Doing”.

Wait …in my mind is the equivalent of fear. Fear holds us back from so many wonderful things. Fear of failure is crippling. We live in a society where people celebrate their successes vocally and publicly and hide their failures (learning curves) in the shadows. Fear of taking chances causes missed opportunities, experiences and adventures.

Waiting is putting life on hold. Which is kind of wasting it. In every moment we are one moment closer to the end of this life as we know it.

I am not waiting for life to get perfect to live it. I am going to live my life completely imperfectly and love every single minute of it!

Photo by Andrew on

Be The Lighthouse

I know when I first started this journey into helping others with their wellness I felt like who would come to see me? There were so many practitioners with more experience and more education. Who was I to think that I had anything to offer?

What I have learned is we all have something to offer. The key is to shine your light so that it can be seen by others. The ones that need your help will then be able to find you. Not all that see the beacon will feel called to that safe haven. Perhaps they are not ready for your help. Perhaps they went to a different lighthouse that resonated with them more.

All those things are ok and do not mean that the gifts you offer are not valid. There are many types of gifts and no one is better than another. Each of us that work in the healing industry bring forward our gifts our energy and that will be seen and resonate with people that our perspective gifts will help.

Everything is energy…so we attract clients that need what we have to offer and also don’t forget that we also attract what we need. In everything there is a gift a lesson or a challenge that we need to address in ourselves. We are a reflection of everything.

We are not the Coast Guard… we don’t need to hunt for those needing rescue. That is likened to a doctor or some other acute care facilitator. We are the ones that gently beam our light beckoning a safe place to land and a helping hand in the journey that is life.

So… whatever your gift/modality… beam the energy from your heart and welcome in those that find you. Knowing that whatever you have to offer is exactly what they need at that moment. Maybe it is just to find out that you know someone that can help them with their concern if you can’t.

Lead with your heart and you can never go wrong.

Why This…Why now

Lately I have been faced with another challenge in balancing my time and feeling overwhelmed and out of balance. I have had to ask myself why this, why now.

I recognize that I am a rescuer and put what is needed of me from others before what I need for me. I also recognize that this is a me problem, not a they problem.

The question arises…why do I love others more than myself? Why do I struggle to not succumb to perceived need. If I were not here to ‘help’ they would still survive. I just enable them to not have to look for their own solutions.

Having always been a problem solver and very resilient it is my nature to jump in and ‘fix’. I am realizing that perhaps this is an ego trip. My ego perks up when I am needed. It makes me special doesn’t it?

Or, does it make me avoid taking care of me? Succumbing to the anxiety of being perceived as selfish. I am working through this one.

I do know that I need to slow life down and have some roots and feel the energy of my toes lock into the energy of the earth. I can feel that as my feet lock into the earth and that core strength of the earth rising up within me I can reach higher for the stars and flow in all directions with ease and grace as I raise my arms to the sky and the energy flows and expands throughout my being.

I have discovered that this penchant for ‘helping’ others is really a distraction from helping myself. It has allowed me to stay in a state of indecision and flux in my own life and avoid making decisions and facing my own fears about my future and direction of my life and business.

So… time to slow down…get grounded and reach for the stars!

Life Unlimited

All this business with Covid has made me even more determined to live my life my way.

Like my tattoo says…my life my rules.

It has also become abundantly clear that resilience is truly a superpower. I thought having my own business was the ticket to freedom. I love what I do …helping people with their physical, emotional spiritual wellness is the most rewarding career I have ever had. It offered me freedom and purpose. It never occurred to me that a teeny tiny germ bug was gonna shut me down.

Now what. I spent the first couple weeks being a yogi and meditating. The happy introvert wasn’t at all upset. The happy introvert is still not too bugged about staying home. But the wild child gypsy doesn’t like being told to!

I have recently become concerned with what my business will look like now. But, hey…I am resilience personified. I always land on my feet.

Bring on Plan B and C.

Daytrading…not for the faint of heart but it is paying my rent. On line work supplements my income and I realized once again that I just have to stay open to what the Universe presents.

Oddly the challenges I have struggled with….confidence, self esteem, using my voice, arise once again. Using the tools I have learned via Breathwork facilitator training and Kundalini yoga I am determined to finally overcome the fears that even as I write this cause a tightness in my chest and throat.

I just know that when this is all over I will be a different person ….a better person. If we don’t learn and grow and evolve stronger in this….then we missed an opportunity to become a better version of ourselves.

Single and Surviving Self Isolation

I am personally a very introverted person by nature so this isn’t terribly difficult for me. Even I struggle with the limits of human contact. So I have empathy for the extroverts of the world that really need that human interaction for optimal mental health.

Quickly I realized that I needed to take steps to maintain positivity during these challenging times. Giving into the fear of the unknown only further challenges my ability to maintain my mental health.

What we allow into our minds percolates and sets the tone. So I have challenged myself to set in place positive practices.The first thing I do in the morning (after a quick dash to the bathroom…being mindful that I shouldn’t waste my stash of toilet paper) is turn on some positive music. Singing along (badly) I make my morning coffee. I always say I am going to do yoga first….but I don’t. I truly love that quiet slow coffee wake up. My favorite song right now is “The World Is So F**ked up ” by Michael Franti.

I sip that aromatic brew and count my blessings. There is always something to be grateful for…. the birds chirping outside (even though it is damn cold outside), my safe warm home, my son who is safely self isolating with my mom, my mom, family, friends (that I can chat with if I need to).

A sense of purpose helps a lot! I made a decision to finish some of my projects that I have been struggling to complete. This motivated me to tidy up my work space to make it uncluttered and inviting.

Give …hmmm… a little trickier. This goal pushed me off a ledge I have struggled with. Distance healing. Once I put it out there I was amazed at the response. During these challenging times so many are really needing some help to be resilient. The added stress of current events is forcing many things to the surface to be looked at…..fear, anxiety, insecurity….the list goes on and on……

I have long believed that the root cause of our physical wellness is a manifestation of our emotional wellness. To be able to reach out at this time and share healing with people near and far is a gift to my sense of purpose and a reason to get dressed!

Don’t live in your pajamas! Get dressed. One…. make sure your clothes still fit after all that home cooking! Two…it makes me feel like working….aka anything productive.

Shower and do your hair. For yourself. This is an opportunity to lean in and do things just for you…learn to love yourself enough to take care of yourself just for the love of you.

Take a (washable) marker and put positive affirmations on your mirrors. Mine are covered with “You are beautiful”, “You are powerful” etc…. so every time I look in the mirror I see these words and allow those to sink into my subconscious.

Purpose could be as simple as cleaning that junk drawer. Reaching out in some capacity. Our local seniors organization had asked for volunteers to write pen pal letters to seniors that were lonely and are now even more lonely. It takes a few minutes a day and I am grateful to be able to make a lonely stranger smile.

Cook…. the internet still works if you aren’t a cook already. There are many advantages to cooking beyond the obvious…eating. It makes your home smell welcoming. It fills one with a sense of accomplishment. Cooking your own food is much less expensive than ordering out or eating prepackaged foods. Also it is MUCH healthier. I wont get into that diatribe right now.

Plant something and take care of it….I planted a tomato slice….laugh if you want but it works. soon I will have many tomato seedlings to transplant and in time tomatoes to eat and enjoy.

Meditate…seriously. Learning how to quiet the mind right now is a real gift to our mental health. There are many free offerings on youtube. Meditation brings our bodies to homeostatic state. This is great for our mental, emotional and physical health. It is important to keep our bodies in a place that encourages healing and maintaining a strong immune system. Meditaton helps with that.

Personally I love doing yoga every day. My chosen favorite is Kundalini tantra yoga which focuses on breath and moving energy through the body. Holding on to the emotions keeps them rolling around in our bodies. The flow and movement of daily yoga keeps them flowing through rather than getting stuck in my body.

Don’t get me wrong….now and then I follow the rabbit hole into the depths of anxiety and fear. But it lasts moments not days. I have allowed myself to wander the dark places for periods of time….wondering if life was really worth the effort. It is! If that ever crosses your mind….reach out for help.

Many institutions are offering free or hugely discounted learning opportunities….try one. What do you have to lose.

Color, dance, sing……bring high vibe into your day in any way that makes you smile.

But every day……find something to make you laugh and smile… strengthens resilience and resilience is whats going to get us through this ….

Breathe…it is the lifeforce within us all.

Many think they are breathing and I guess if you are not in a box then you are. However, the how we breathe can be the difference between fear, anxiety reaction or peace, acceptance responding.

I see that it has become a very reactionary world. I fall prey to that myself at times. I am not judging me….I am observing me. When we can pay attention to how we breathe ….long slow breaths (Inhaling your tummy should expand Exhaling your tummy should deflate …belly button towards the spine, adding in a conscious intention to fill your body with love on each inhale and exhale any negative crap out.

It sounds simplistic and it really is. It is harder than we think. Often we catch ourselves holding our breath, waiting for the next thing that is going to make us gasp WTF now.

In saying this I don’t believe that we have to turn a blind eye to all that is going on around us. But, rather change the lens of perception that you see it in. Change the voice of authenticity to a responsive voice versus a reactionary voice.

When we don’t breathe with intention and allow the oxygen into our cells the brain actually is in survival mode. This is not sustainable for long periods of time without having detrimental effects on our physical body.

So one of the best things we can do to keep ourselves healthy and calm is just slow down (do you have anything better to do?) and focus on your breath. Give your body the oxygen it needs to be healthy and your brain to find calm in the storm.

All storms pass. Weather this storm with as much resilience and calm as you can. Breathe…close your eyes and breathe.

Love and light to all

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